what's going on

Assalamualaikum,

Sebelum pape, net nak warn, post ni agak Panjang dan berbahasa inggeris sebab net dah terbiasa berbahasa inggeris sejak zaman2 teenager lagi, so kalau interested nak baca, alhmadulillah silakan, kalau x, skip ja ya.

So here goes, I'm putting this genre of post under "Dear diary" from now on,

Dear diary,

I decided I want to be myself. Initially I wanted to be this cheerful and happy go lucky blogger that post about all the wonderful things in my life, except that I’m more inspired to write about pains than gains. Words flow out so much easier when I tell about my struggle in life, and I am and still this pessimistic person.  I want to change, I desire to change except I eventually realize that suppressing this feeling is not equivalent to change. Perhaps writing it down helps letting it out. So what if no one reads it, so what if people trash it and so what if people are not inspired by it. At least one good thing that comes out from it, is that I started typing again. Can you see how dusty this blog has become? it’s simplu because I’m just not inspired to write.

Here’s what’s happening in my life currently. I’m jobless. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I’m jobless and it was due to my certain struggle in life which the story I’ll save for another day to tell. I’m jobhunting and currently doing a few part times that barely make my ends meet. I’m a tuition teacher where I teach add maths and chemistry and I’m also a lab demonstrator at a local university. However, the part time is not consistent because the university students are currently on exams and soon to be on semester break, so my classes will resume only after a few months. I’m still doing some teaching but only once a week but all the other classes have already a teacher and at the moment, spm is coming soon so eventually there will be less and less classes towards the end of the year.

It has been a struggle looking for a job since my CV doesn’t appeal to most employers considering my background was in academic research. I tried modifying my resume a few times yet still I don’t think the problem lies there but rather the current economy that is limiting the vacancies with addition to my limited background experiences. I tried expanding my job search towards less relevant domain, but perhaps my experiences were inadequate and far from their requirements.

Bottom line is, I don’t know what I want to do.  I acknowledge this problem but I don’t necessarily know how to overcome it. If possible I wanted to get out of doing laboratory work and move to industrial setting except I don’t like to do sales. Ironic, considering I do a part time online business but personally I see sales as a whole different thing. I feel like online business is more towards marketing whereas sales is really persuading and closing a deal, in another word, “sweet-talking” other into purchasing your product. Sales are commission based and I’m more into a consistent income (fix salary).

So far I’ve gone into searching various job functions such as chemist, lecturer, application specialist, regulatory affair, even business development, clerk or interns! And still no lucks. So yeah, as depressing as it may be, writing this helps me to steam off a little bit and if ever you guys have any propositions or suggestions, you’re more than welcome to do so but pls, no MLM, it’s just not for me.